The Information Superhighway

I remember in those days when tinternet was still quite exclusive, and seemed a bit of a futuristic pipe dream. On this computer games show on CITV (what was it called, by the way?), the American presenter was really enthusiastic about the potential capabilities of what he kept calling the Information Superhighway. He said that one day it would be possible to order pizza and a video online. Well, I guess those days are here. But why isn't anyone calling it the Information Superhighway anymore? It sounds so much cooler. "The internet" or "the web" sound samey and kinda geeky after a while, especially when the over-thirties start saying it. "The Information Superhighway", however, has obviously been to a rebranding consultant. It sounds so much more exciting! It does get a bit mixed metaphorically when one starts to talk about "surfing the Information Superhighway" (I think the phrase deserves caps): surfer dudes across the world will be slapping their palms over their ears as I write to shut out the sound of board scraping ol' Mr Tar (short for Tarquin: he lives in Morningside, dontchaknow?) McAdam. Those fins will be a-breaking off. And I haven't even mentioned Helsinki yet. What? When things in this webby world of us are so quick and rushed, why not slow down and say a longer word for tinternet? And why say "the internet" when you can make it seem quainter with the addition of a non-apostrophized - Lynne Truss would be proud of me - Yorkshire "t" for "the"? The campaign starts here. And remember, you read it here first. Remember too, that you're probably not reading this.